Paradise Lost
by RocknVaughn
Summary: Set during the episode Sweet Sixteen. Follow Almanzo's thoughts as he finds himself unexpectedly attracted to Laura. I've changed up the ending just a bit, so please reread and review! Thanks!


Paradise Lost  
By RocknVaughn

A/N: This is my first Little House fanfic; please be kind and review! This story takes place during the "Sweet Sixteen" episode. While we got a chance to see Almanzo's emotions a little bit based on his behavior, I thought it would be interesting to actually be inside his head and hear his thoughts and witness the transformation of Laura from a little girl to a woman in his eyes. (Notice how many times, even in his own mind, Almanzo goes back and forth between thinking of her as "Beth" or as "Laura"…)

-

Almanzo pounded his palm against the brim of his hat in frustration and self-loathing before stuffing it on his head and heading dejectedly toward town.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ he berated himself, shaking his head and kicking at a rock in his path. It skittered away and off the road into the thick brush. Almanzo's eyes watched the road, but his mind was elsewhere.

Stuffing his hands into his pant pockets, Almanzo snorted. Even though he had spent time with several of Walnut Grove's most eligible women, none of them had ever peaked his fancy. While many of them sat and listened dutifully as Almanzo spoke of his plans for a farm and eventually his hope of raising and training horses, none of them had ever shown a passion for either subject, which was why he'd never called on them again. He could never marry a woman who couldn't share his vision of the future.

The only one who'd ever shown an interest in his ideas had been Beth. Almanzo had always felt comfortable in _her_ presence. When they were together, it seemed that they never ran out of things to talk about. Indeed, sometimes she was the only person he felt he could talk to who would actually understand and appreciate the things he liked.

Of course, that was _before_. All of that had changed—suddenly, shockingly—last Friday.

-

He had driven Barnum to Curry to pick up Beth for the weekend. As he pulled up to the schoolhouse, Beth was just stepping out onto the platform, accompanied by a young man who he assumed was one of her students. Greeting her cordially, Almanzo asked how her first week as a teacher went. She bid farewell to the young man, giving him a kind smile as he walked away before answering Almanzo's question. "Very well, thank you." 

Stepping lightly out of the buggy, Almanzo turned and said, "Here, let me help you with that." He reached out to take Beth's carpetbag, and their hands touched upon the handle. And although he was sure that in the two years he'd known Beth this type of incidental contact had happened many times before, this time it was different.

A jolt of awareness passed from Beth's fingers to his, making them tingle. In confusion, Almanzo lifted his eyes…and was immediately struck dumb by what he saw. Gone was the girl Beth that he knew: carefree pigtails, scuffed boots, her face a combination of a sweet, shy smile and devilishly mischievous eyes. In her place stood a pretty young woman…and it took his breath away.

A soft smile crept onto Almanzo's lips as his eyes traveled over her face. Without her bonnet, Beth's coiffed hair shone mahogany and copper in the afternoon sun. Glints of gold and green sparkled from the depths of her honey brown eyes. Her skin was ivory fair, save for the peachy glow of her cheeks, and her lips were shell pink…and looked kissably soft. She was stunningly beautiful.

As he'd continued to stare at her, Beth's brows had drawn together in confusion. "What's wrong?" she asked with concern.

Unable to take his eyes off the lovely creature before him, Almanzo shook his head lightly. "Nothin'…" he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper. _What trick was this_, he thought, _that Beth's voice should come from the throat of this angel?_ "Nothin's wrong. It's just…." But there was no way Almanzo could describe what he was feeling, so he just shook his head.

"Just?" Beth prompted.

"Nothin'," he repeated, still unable to move. It took Beth removing her hand from the handle for Almanzo to come to his senses long enough to hand her up into the buggy and stow her carpetbag.

Pushing himself up onto the step, Almanzo settled into the buggy next to Beth. Instantly, he became aware of his leg wedged next to hers in the small seat. Electricity sizzled along all the places where their bodies touched. Almanzo felt his heart skip a beat and then drum double time against his ribcage. Slowly he turned to face Beth once more, and again he found himself mesmerized.

Beth's eyes locked with his as she insisted shrewdly, "Now there is too something wrong…What is it?"

Almanzo's response slid past his lips before he'd had a chance to think. "You look different…" he said in awe. "You look older."

Smiling sweetly up at him, Beth answered matter-of-factly, "Well, I am… a week older."

"Yeah…" Almanzo chuckled a little at the sheer absurdity of what she'd said. A week older she might have been, but to him, it was more like she'd aged five years overnight. Suddenly, Beth was a smart, attractive, independent woman. How had that happened?

"If we want to get home before dark, we'd best get started." Beth's voice of reason penetrated his daydream-like haze, and he shook his head as if to clear it.

"Yeah…okay." Swallowing past a huge lump in his throat, Almanzo nodded, flicked Barnum's reins and called to him to propel them forward across the prairie.

-

The trip back to Walnut Grove had been a companionably quiet one, but yet, never had a trip from Curry seemed so short. Every time the buggy went over a bump in the road, Beth's arm would press against Almanzo's for support, and another wave of awareness would course through him. He kept sneaking glances at Beth from the corner of his eye, thinking that somehow, her transformation must have been some trick of the afternoon sun, but each time, his eyes met the same splendor. _His_ little Beth was now a woman. It felt like a dream, but one that Almanzo didn't want to wake from.

Too soon, they had passed through the center of Walnut Grove and up over the ridge toward Plum Creek where the Ingalls farm lay. Almanzo lightly tugged at the reins and Barnum slowed to a halt in front of the little farmhouse. "Whoa…" He tucked the leather straps into the holder on the buggy and hopped out. Retrieving Beth's bag, he continued around the side to stand before her with an outstretched hand and Beth placed her hand in his. Glancing down, he noticed that his hand nearly engulfed her tiny one, and a wave of protectiveness hit him like never before. It was all Almanzo could do to not outwardly react to the sensation. Meeting Beth's eyes over their clasped hands, he was immediately lost in their honey brown depths.

Easily, Beth hopped down to the ground and stood before him, and Almanzo handed her the carpetbag. "Thank you for the ride, Manly," she said. "It was sweet of you to come for me."

"It was my pleasure," he murmured in return. Never had he meant those words more. For several moments he and Beth stood and stared at each other, separated only by the bag whose handle she held with both hands.

The sound of Mrs. Ingalls' voice behind them finally broke the spell. "Welcome home, Laura," she called from the doorway of their little farmhouse. As he and Beth both turned toward her, she smiled and greeted, "Afternoon, Almanzo."

"Afternoon, Ma'am," he replied, removing his hat in deference to her.

Mrs. Ingalls raised a hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the setting sun. "Thank you for fetching Laura for us."

"It was no trouble."

"Would you like to stay for dinner?"

Almanzo looked at Beth and knew he wanted to answer yes…but also knew that he couldn't. He had too much work left to do before dark. "'Fraid I can't, ma'am. Too many chores tonight."

Mrs. Ingalls nodded, smiled, and stepped back into the house, leaving the door ajar for Beth.

Almanzo spun the brim of his hat between his hands nervously. "Be by on Sunday to pick you up?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you," Beth answered with a smile.

Almanzo nodded. "'Night, Laura."

"'Night, Manly."

Almanzo stood and watched as Beth turned and walked toward the house. It wasn't until she'd passed through the doorway and closed the door behind her that he'd put his hat back on and climbed into the buggy.

-

Almanzo replayed the events of the afternoon in his head the whole way back to the Wilder homestead. It just didn't make sense. He was a 25-year-old man, not exactly a young colt. He'd had his share of dates. He'd never had to long for company. Yet, never in his life had he experienced the things he'd felt today: the hazy softness of the world, his heart pounding in his chest, his breath catching in his throat just at the sight of Laura.

_Beth_, he corrected mentally, and a cold shiver ran through him as if he'd been doused with a bucket of water. Lord, this was _Beth_ he was thinking about, here. Little Beth who'd dubbed him "Manly" instead of Mannie, who'd laced Nellie's cinnamon chicken with cayenne pepper, who'd later dunked her rival in the mud, who'd purposely mis-sewn Christy Norton's dress and tossed water on her at the circus…and then stole a kiss from his cheek.

Sweet, innocent, little Beth…his thoughts for her were no longer so innocent. Almanzo shook his head as if he could dislodge his wayward thoughts by doing so. Like it or not, Beth was still a 15-year-old girl…he had no right to feel anything more than friendship for her.

-

All weekend, Almanzo had felt tortured…tormented by feelings he could no longer ignore. His head told him that _Beth_ was just a kid, but his heart told him that _Laura_ was now a woman…a woman worth pursuing. He felt ashamed by his attraction, but also helpless to stop it. He would have had better luck trying to halt the ever-blowing prairie winds than to not be attracted to Laura.

A part of him realized these emotions must have been building inside him for some time in order for them to be this strong; that was part of what was so frightening. How could such an attraction have been building between them without him even realizing it? And what the heck was he going to do about it?

By Sunday afternoon, Almanzo felt he'd come to a workable solution. No matter what was currently going on inside of him, he and Beth had always been friends, and friends they would remain. There was nothing unseemly or inappropriate about spending time with her…as long as that time was spent on innocent pursuits. The upcoming church social would be just such an occasion. Everyone in town would likely be there. If everyone would be there anyway, what was the harm in asking her to go with him?

_Yes_, he told himself, _it was the perfect solution_. Knowing that she'd harbored a bit of a crush for him in the past, she was sure to agree to go, and once he'd actually spent time with Beth again, he felt confident that this phase he was going through would pass.

Almanzo had not been prepared for Beth's reaction to his request. Instead of happily agreeing to join him at the social, she'd primly informed him that she'd think about it and let him know when he came to retrieve her from Curry on Friday. He'd stammered his agreement in shock. She'd sounded so…proper, so ladylike. And just like that, he was in an emotional tailspin once more.

The ride to Curry that afternoon had been almost painful. While the silence between them was as companionable as it had been in the past, Almanzo could not stop thinking about how lovely Laura looked, how grown up she seemed. And his heightened awareness of her proximity to him in the buggy seat was almost maddening. As he stood next to the buggy with his hand out to help Laura down, his heart pounded in anticipation of her touch. And as she walked toward the white house with the green shutters with carpetbag in hand, Almanzo couldn't help but think that Friday was a long, _long_ way away.

-

From the moment he'd left Curry, the dilemma with Laura completely filled Almanzo's mind…to the point where he'd missed the turnoff to Walnut Grove and went 15 minutes out of his way before he'd realized the error. And in town, he'd barely missed running into Doc Baker's wagon. Luckily, Barnum had been paying more attention than Almanzo had been and naturally swerved around the back of the rig.

By that evening, Almanzo was in such a state that he didn't know which way was up. Staring at the fire, yet not even seeing it, his mind went around in circles, with Laura Ingalls at the center. He shouldn't have feelings for Laura…but he did. He shouldn't want more than friendship from her…but he did. He shouldn't think of her as a woman…but he did. He shouldn't want to court her…but he did.

But she was still fifteen…what the hell was the matter with him?

Apparently his preoccupation was noticeable, since Eliza Jane had asked him what was troubling him. At first, he hadn't wanted to talk about it, but soon saw this as an opportunity to share his burden with someone who wouldn't judge him too harshly. Eliza, at least, would understand, even if she might not approve.

But, to his pleasant surprise, Eliza no longer felt that Beth was a child either. She had a teaching certificate and was living on her own on her first assignment. She would be sixteen in just a few days, and sixteen was certainly not too young to be courted. Eliza didn't even seem troubled by the difference in their ages.

Bolstered by his sister's opinion, Almanzo began to think about his relationship with Beth in a different light. It was no longer a question of whether courting her would be proper; the question now was whether Laura would consider _him_ a suitable beau. After all, she had put off making her decision about the social until Friday…perhaps her feelings for him had changed. Perhaps it _had_ only been a crush she'd been harboring…and maybe now, with her first real job, she'd realized her childish ways and gotten over them.

Almanzo couldn't keep this troubling thought out of his mind. Now that he'd acknowledged to himself how he felt about Laura, he wanted to know where he stood…if he had any chance at all with her.

So when he'd run into Caroline Ingalls outside the Feed and Seed this morning and she'd casually mentioned her husband's dilemma regarding the two deliveries he needed to make that were in opposite directions, it was like manna from heaven. Here he could see Laura a day early _and_ get into her father's good graces in one fell swoop. This was an opportunity too good to pass up.

_At least it had seemed that way at the time_, Almanzo brooded, kicking another pebble out of his way.

-

He'd made the run in record time, just so he'd have time to catch Laura at the schoolhouse before she went home for the day. He'd even stopped along the way to pick a handful of wildflowers to give her. As he pulled the rig up in front of the school, his heart started to pound and his breath caught. Hopping lightly to the ground, he took the steps two at a time with a smile on his face. But nothing could have prepared him for what had happened next.

When he opened the door, he saw Laura with a young man…the same young man that had been waiting on the steps with her last Friday. He'd thought nothing of the boy last week, never even thought to wonder if he could be a rival for Laura's affections. But this boy was younger than he by far—most likely very close to Beth's age—and certainly he would be considered handsome. But more importantly…_this boy now had his arms around Laura!_

The flowers he had picked fluttered to the porch floor around his feet as Almanzo's hand slackened in shock. And then, an anger so sudden and forceful rose up inside of him that it actually frightened him in its intensity. A red haze formed before his eyes as he struck, punching the boy square across the jaw with all his might, knocking him across the room and into the wall so hard that the boy's breath left him with a whoosh.

_How dare he?_ Almanzo fumed inside his head, glowering down at the boy. _How dare he touch **my** Laura?_

But Laura hadn't taken kindly to this interruption. In fact, she'd been plum furious, quickly pointing out his mistake in no uncertain terms.

Shaking his head sadly, he could still hear the anger in Laura's voice as she'd called him Mister Wilder. Not Manly, not Almanzo…but _Mister_ Wilder…like they were strangers!

Reaching the center of town at last, Almanzo glanced toward the schoolhouse and saw it was shut up with the door locked. With a pang of guilt, he realized he'd left his sister high and dry while on his wild goose chase today. He hadn't even told her he was going out of town. He hoped that someone had been kind enough to drive her home.

Unhitching Barnum from the post outside the Feed and Seed, he climbed aboard with a heavy heart. Finally…_finally_ he'd found a woman that he wanted to spend more time with; one who might just be the one he could spend a _lifetime_ with. He'd almost given up hope of finding such a person…and she'd been right under his nose the whole time.

How ironic that for two years it had been Beth who had hoped for more from _him_…and now that he'd finally come around to her line of thinking, he'd gone and done something to make her hate him. There was no way Laura would ever see him as a suitor now, not after the way he'd acted: hitting her student, insulting her honor. It was unforgivable.

_So, this is what pining for a woman feels like_, Almanzo thought glumly. He picked up Barnum's reins and flicked them, calling quietly to the horse, and he began to move. Almanzo's eyes burned as he blinked back an unexpected wetness and swallowed the huge lump in his throat. _Guess I'd best get used to it._

_FIN _


End file.
